


As the lights fade in your eyes

by Destructive_Angel1



Category: My Chemical Romance, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Depression, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Teacher Ray Toro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2020-10-13 05:01:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 15,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20576876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destructive_Angel1/pseuds/Destructive_Angel1
Summary: *Trigger Warning- Selfharm.**Trigger Warning- Suicide Attempt.*





	1. Chapter 1

I jolted awake and looked around my bedroom. I couldnt tell what time it was. I glanced at my alarm clock. The screen was black. I jumped out of bed and threw on my clothes not even bothering to comb my shoulder length hair. I couldnt be late again. This time I would definitely be getting detention. 

After throwing my shoes on I grabbed my bag and bolted up the stairs, tripping on almost every step. Most of the time I enjoyed my room being in the basement. But today, I hated it. 

"Gerard Arthur Way!" I heard my mother call as I was grabbing a protein bar to eat on the way to school. "Why are you not at school?"

"Woke up late. Sorry, mom." I hung my head. 

"Do you need a ride?" 

I shook my head and started out the door. 

"I love you, honey!" My mother yelled to me.

"Love you too." I yelled back. 

I made my way to school. The feeling of dread once again seeping into my chest. I was not looking forward to detention today. 

I was about half way to the front door of the school when I remembered that I had a presentation due today in second period. I sighed, accepting defeat and pulled the door open. 

I walked to class with my head down, not paying attention to my surroundings. I was almost to class when I walked right into another person who was walking towards me causing them to drop all their books and papers.

"Oh, shit. I'm so sorry!" I gasped, leaning down to help pick the persons belongings up. "I didnt see you."

"Its fine. I wasnt paying attention to where I was going." The person said. His voice was smooth and rough at the same time and I wondered how that was possible.

I looked up to see him. His hazel eyes stopped me in my tracks. My breath caught in my lungs and I took in every inch of his face. He was pale with dyed black hair and a lip and nose ring. I noticed he was wearing a misfits shirt and I smiled. I must have been staring at him a little too long because he started waving his hand in my face.

"Hello, did you hear me?" He laughed.

"No, sorry. What did you say?" I blushed.

"I said, I'm Frank."

"Oh!" I laughed. "Nice to meet you Frank. I'm Gerard but my friends call me Gee. I'm sorry I ran into you." 

I handed Frank the rest of his books and papers. 

"What class are you heading to?" I asked.

"Uh, history. You?" 

"Same. What teacher?" I felt my heart racing. 

"Mr. Toro." 

I grinned.

"Cool, follow me. We're in the same class!"

I grabbed his hand and pulled him along with me while I walked to our history class.


	2. Home and memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning- Selfharm.*  
*Trigger Warning- Suicide Attempt.*

Mr. Toro was sitting at his desk when Frank and I burst through the door. The room was silent and I immediately felt my cheeks heat up. 

"Mr. Way. You're late again." Mr. Toro said.

"I know, I'm sorry I-" 

"Its my fault." Frank interrupted me. "Its my first day and I got lost. Gerard was helping me." 

"Ah yes. Mr. Lero is it?" 

"Iero." Frank corrected. "Frank Iero." 

"My apologies. Take a seat. Gerard, I assume you'll want to do your presentation at lunch?" 

I nodded and hung my head as I took my seat in the far back corner of the classroom. Frank took the empty seat next to me and smiled. 

I pulled out my sketchbook and started drawing. I had been working on a dragon for the past three days. I could feel Frank watching as I drew the smoke billowing out of the dragons nostrils.

The rest of the day went by in a blur. Frank followed me around all day and even watched my presentation at lunch. Turns out we were in all the same classes. I couldnt wait to get home.

I walked out of the school and started the journey to my house. I heard footsteps behind me and braced myself for the bullies that always showed up around this time. I went to school with them but they were jocks and couldnt mess with me on school grounds without getting kicked off the football team. 

When nothing happened I turned to see who was behind me and made eye contact with Frank. He was out of breath and his cheeks were rosy. 

"Hey!" He wheezed.

"Hi. You okay?" 

"Me? Yeah, totally. Listen, i know we just met but my parents arent going to be home for a few hours and my new house kind creeps me out. Do you mind if I come over to yours for a bit?" 

I hesitated.

"Just for a few hours and then I'll text my mom the address to your place. She'll come get me." 

"I guess." I agreed. 

We walked all the way to my house in awkward silence. I pulled my key out of my pocket and unlocked the front door. Frank entered first and looked around. 

"Wow. Your place is nice. Mines boring." 

I chuckled and walked to the kitchen, grabbing an apple from the bowl in the center of the table. Frank sat at one of the kitchen chairs and watched me clean up the kitchen. There were dishes from last night still in the sink and I shook my head in frustration. 

"So, are you an only child?" Frank asked.

"No. I have a younger brother. Mikey." 

"Does he go to our school? Whats he look like." 

I sighed. A lump rising in my throat. 

"Um, he's not in school right now." 

I looked at Frank and smiled before offering him a drink. He took the drink and thanked me and we made our way to the basement. He looked at me in awe and I chuckled as I led him down the stairs to my bedroom. 

"So, where exactly is your brother? If you dont mind me asking." 

"Hes in the hospital. Hes been there for the last couple days." I whispered. 

"Oh." Was all Frank had to say. 

Frank wondered around my room and pulled out a comic book that I had on my bookshelf. He smiled and sat down on my bed and began reading it. 

I left him to the comic and started drawing at my desk on the other side of the room. My sleeve had gotten in the way so I pulled it up, completely forgetting about the scars that littered my arms. 

I hadnt heard Frank get up so I jumped when he grabbed my exposed arm. I tried to pull it away, realizing what he was looking at. But he held onto my arm and traced the scars with his thumb. 

"Did you do this?" He asked gently. 

I looked away and nodded. Not wanting to look into his eyes. He brought my arm up and kissed each individual scar. I looked up at him and he smiled. Something in his eyes told me that he understood. 

We stared into each others eyes and before I knew it our lips were pressed together in a breathtaking kiss. The kiss seemed to go on for hours and I didnt hear my bedroom door open or the creak of the stairs as someone walked down to see if i was home. 

"Oh! Shit! Sorry!" My mother gasped. 

Frank and I pulled away and I looked at my mom expecting her to be furious. Instead she had a smile on her face. 

"Mom! Why didnt you knock?" 

"I did. But you didnt answer. I thought maybe you were asleep." She giggled. "Who's this? I dont think I've met you before." 

She held her hand out to Frank and he shook it. He looked as uncomfortable as i felt. 

"I'm Frank. I'm new here." 

"Well its nice to meet you, Frank. Gerard, i just wanted to let you know that I'm going to get your brother from the hospital in about an hour. Did you and Frank want to come?" 

"Do you mind if I stay here? I dont think Mikey wants to see me." I said. My voice cracking.

She nodded and gave one last smile at Frank as she walked out of my room. 

I remembered the events that unfolded a few days ago. 

*three days ago*

I had come home from school and walked into my brothers room to borrow his paint. I needed it for an art project. Mikey had walked into his room just as I was leaving. His nose was bleeding and his lip was split. I begged him to tell me what had happened. 

He said he was fine and asked me to leave it alone. I shouldve known he wasnt fine. I left his room trying to shrug off the uneasy feeling in my chest. 

Later that day my mother had come home from work and called us for dinner. Mikey didnt come down so she sent me up to get him. I opened his bedroom door and there he lay on the ground. His lips blue. 

"Mikey!" I screamed. "Mom! Call an ambulance!" 

I looked around and found an empty pill bottle. He had taken all of his antidepressants. 

My mother had come into the room and she let out a scream. She called the ambulance and they talked us through CPR. He had started breathing again and when the ambulance came they took him and my mother away. 

I went down to my room and sobbed. I shouldve done something. I should've stayed with him. I pulled my razor out of my top drawer and pulled down my skinny jeans. I press the blade to my skin and dragged. The familiar bite and the blood met me and I instantly felt better. That was the last time I self harmed. 

*today*

I looked at Frank with tears in my eyes and sighed. Today was a long day and it wasnt even close to being over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter. I wont be able to update all the time but I'll try to update as much as possible.


	3. Welcome Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning- Selfharm*  
*Trigger Warning- Rape*

Frank went home and I sat alone in my room. I was nervous. The last time I saw my brother, he was lying on the floor not breathing. Now he was coming home. 

I got up and paced back and forth. A million thoughts raced through my mind. Would Mikey even want to see me? Did he think I didn't care about him? I didnt mean to leave him alone when he needed me the most. I couldnt stop thinking so I turned to the one thing that could clear my mind. 

I reached into my top drawer and pulled out my razor. I could feel the tension in my body starting to release. I went upstairs into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet. I didn't care about hiding it this time. I pulled up my sleeve and pressed the blade against my skin, dragging it across. I cut my arm three times. I watched the blood drip from my arm to the floor. 

I sat there for a few minutes. My mom had just left half an hour ago. She'd be gone for a while. If I cut a little too deep I'd be gone before she even got home. 

No. I couldnt do that to her. Not after Mikey. I grabbed the first aid kit I had stashed under the sink and wrapped some gauze around my arm. I taped it down and cleaned up the blood that was staining the bathroom floor. No one except Frank knew about my issue. I couldn't risk letting my mom and brother find out. 

I went back to my room and fell asleep on my bed. 

I woke up to someone shaking me. 

"Gee." I heard a familiar voice say. "Hey, Gee. Wake up. Please." 

I heard them sniffling. Were they crying? 

I turned over to face them but found it very difficult to move. I looked up into my brothers eyes. They were red and I could see tears falling down his face.

"M-mikey?" 

"Hey, Gerard!" He laughed. "You okay?" 

"Y-yeah. I'm... I'm good. You?" 

"I'm good. I'm so sorry, Gee. I didn't mean to hurt you. I know I shouldn't have done what I did. I was just so tired of being bullied. I wanted everything to stop. But I wont do it again. I promise." He sobbed. "Please forgive me. I didnt mean to make you mad."

I sat up as much as I could without flinching at the sting in my arm. 

"Mikey, I'm not mad. I'm not angry. I'm just glad that youre home and alive. I cant imagine life without you! You're my brother." 

I grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug. We both laughed as the tension in the room disappeared. 

"Oh, I almost forgot. My boyfriend is upstairs." Mikey grinned. "I wanted you to meet him."

"You're gay? Mikey that's amazing. I would love to meet him. Just give me a minute." I hugged him again and he grinned as he ran upstairs and closed my door behind him. 

I forced myself to get out of bed. The pain in my arm made me flinch. I was still wearing the same clothes that i went to school in so i didn't bother changing. I pulled my vans on and went upstairs to meet Mikeys boyfriend. 

I got to the hallway and heard laughter and a voice i couldn't recognize. I faked a smile and walked into the kitchen where everyone was standing. A lanky guy with black on his hands and neck and a floral shirt looked over and smiled at me. 

"Hi, I'm Tyler. You must be Gerard. Its really nice to meet you." 

I reached out and shook his hand. My sleeve moved up and revealed the gauze with blood. I looked towards Mikey and my mother. Mikey was staring at my arm with shock and my mother was doing the dishes so she didnt notice. I looked up at Tyler and he gave me a sympathetic smile. 

"Um, excuse me. I'll be right back." I said as I pulled my sleeve back down and turned to leave the kitchen. 

Mikey reached for me but I was out of his reach. I could hear Tyler telling him to give me space. My mother asked what was wrong but no one said anything. 

I stayed in my room the rest of the night. I didnt want anyone to know what I was doing to myself. Now three people were aware. 

I woke up the next morning and got ready for school. As I walked toward the front door I saw Mikey and Tyler sitting on the couch watching tv. Mikey was leaning against Tyler and I smiled. I was happy for Mikey. I walked out the door and started toward school. 

Frank met me halfway. 

"Hey, Gee. How are you? Did you see your brother?" 

I didnt answer. I just kept walking. Frank grabbed my arm and I flinched. 

"Gee?" He whispered as he pulled up my sleeve. 

"Oh, Gee. Why?"

I felt tears start falling down my face and Frank pulled me into an alley and started wiping my tears away. 

"Hey, its okay. Just tell me what happened." 

"He hates me Frank. He acts like he doesnt but he has to. I failed him. I'm a terrible brother. It should've been me on the floor that night. Not him. He deserves so much. But I don't. I shouldnt be here. Im not supposed to be here." I sobbed into Frank's shoulder as he held me close and rubbed circles in my back. 

"He doesn't hate you. He can't. How could anyone hate you?" Frank whispered. "Come on. Lets go to school and I'll walk you home afterwards. Okay?" 

I nodded and he walked with me to school. 

An hour later I was yanked into the bathroom and surrounded by four football players. 

"What's up Fag?" One of them said. "We haven't seen you in a few days. Where have you been hiding?" 

I didnt answer and that earned me a punch to my stomach. I doubled over in pain and they laughed. 

"I asked you a question, Freak." 

" I haven't been hiding. I just, went straight home after school." 

"You know you have to wait after school for us. Guys, go keep watch. I'm gonna teach this freak a lesson." 

The other three walked out of the bathroom and stood in the hallway. The guy that stayed was big and muscular with dirty blond hair. He shoved me against the wall and grabbed my crotch squeezing. I whimpered and he laughed. 

"I'm gonna teach you to be a Fag." 

Everything went black and I could still feel everything. The pain and I could hear muffled screams but they sounded far away. After several minutes or hours I started to regain my vision and I tried to sit up. There was blood everywhere and I was laying on the floor in one of the stalls. My phone was going off and I checked the time. It was 6:30. School had ended almost four hours ago. 

My phone went off again and I saw an unknown number. 

"Hello?" I answered weakly. 

"Gee? Its Frank. Where are you? Are you okay?" I could hear the worry in his voice.

"I'm at school. Frank, it hurts. Can you come get me?" 

"I'm on my way. What hurts? Where are you at school?" 

"The mens bathroom. Everything hurts, Frank. I cant move." 

I could hear Frank running and the sound of a car starting up. I started laughing. 

"What's so funny, Gee?" Frank asked. 

"Are, are you driving? I didn't know you had your license." 

"Gee, you need to focus. I'm on my way, please stay focused." Frank pleaded. 

I nodded and my phone slipped out of my hand. I leaned against the wall and fell asleep again. 

I felt someone shaking me and I quickly looked up to see Frank crying and begging me to wake up. 

"Frank?" I asked. 

"Oh, i thought you were gone! Gee, dont ever do that to me again!" 

"I'm sorry. What happened?" 

I looked around and saw blood all over the floor. My pants were soaked in blood and when Frank helped me stand I had a sharp pain. 

I doubled over and hissed. 

"Gee? What's wrong?" 

"It hurts!" I yelled. 

Frank half carried me to a grey car and gently placed me in the passenger seat. He ran to the drivers seat and started driving. I passed out once again and when I woke up, I was in a hospital bed and hooked up to a bunch of machines.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I havent updated in a while. I've been busy but I'll try to update sooner.


	4. All the wounds that are never gonna scar me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *trigger warning- mentions of rape.*  
*trigger warning- drugs and alcohol.*

I looked around the hospital room expecting to see a nurse or a doctor somewhere. I noticed a figure curled up on the floor by the window. They were short with dark hair. Frank. 

He tried to move to get more comfortable and let out a groan as a sharp pain shot through my body. Frank bolted upright and looked around in a panic before his gaze settled on me. His hair was sticking up on one side like he'd been sleeping on that side for hours. He smiled when he noticed i was awake and looking at him. 

"Gee! You're finally awake! I was so scared!" He ran forward and hugged me tight. 

I cried out in pain and he quickly pulled back. 

"I'm sorry. Are you okay?" 

"I'm okay. What happened?" I asked through gritted teeth. "Why am i in the hospital?" 

"You dont remember?" 

I shook my head. Just as Frank was about to say something a doctor walked in. 

"Gerard, nice to see youre finally awake. Your mother is on her way. Because you are underage we can't give you any information until a parent or guardian is in the room. So when your mother gets here we will go over injuries and treatments. Sound good?" 

I nodded and he smiled. 

"Great. See you in a few minutes." 

When the doctor left the room Frank grabbed my hand and squeezed. 

"I was so scared, Gee. When I didn't see you after school I assumed you went home early but when i went to your house your mom said you werent home." He sniffed as a tear fell down his face. "We tried calling you. So many times, Gee. When you finally picked up the phone you sounded so weak and I rushed to find you. There was so much blood." 

His cries quickly became sobs and I pulled him into a hug. He sobbed into my shoulder for several minutes. I cried too. It amazed me that someone I had only met a few days ago, and had only kissed once, cared so much about me that he feared losing me. 

We waited patiently for my mother to arrive at the hospital. When she walked into the room, she smiled and handed Frank some money for the food court. 

"Go get yourself some food, Frank. You need it. Does your mom know where you are?" She asked.

"Yeah. I told her Gerard was in the hospital. She said I could stay and she'd call me out of school tomorrow." 

He left the room and the room became silent. 

"Wheres Mikey?" 

"He's asleep in the car." My mother said softly. 

The doctor came in a few moments later and smiled sympathetically at me. 

"Mrs. Way. Thank you for coming on such short notice. Gerard lost a lot of blood due to a tear in his abdomen. Probably caused by fighting off the rapist. We've managed to get the tear fixed and he's all set to go home in a few days. He cant lift anything over ten pounds for the next month. And he will need some mid dose pain medications, ive already sent them to the pharmacy for you. Once he leaves, keep an eye on him. If he starts throwing up anything that looks like coffee grounds, bring him in immediately." The doctor said while reading his chart. 

"Thank you, doctor..." 

"Urie. Doctor Brendon Urie." He smiled. "Oh, one more thing, we'll send him home with a pamphlet for support groups and maybe some one on one sessions. He might need them." 

The doctor left and my mother hugged me. She had tears in her eyes. I hugged her back and she left to check on Mikey. I fell back asleep and had a nightmare about the football player and the bathroom. 

Over the next few days I was given pain medication and counseling. They kept an eye on my vitals and once I was cleared to go home, my mother packed my bags and carried them to the car while Frank and Mikey helped me walk to the passenger side. Frank sat behind me. When I got home Frank helped me get to my room and helped me lay down. I decided to take a nap. 

I woke up screaming, begging someone to help me. I felt helpless and didnt realize where I was. I saw someone rush towards me and I fell off of my bed and scooted up against the wall. They tried to grab my arms and I started kicking and screaming. Suddenly there were three people in front of me. Two of them held my hands while one of them grabbed my face and whispered my name. 

"Gee, its okay. Shhhh. You're safe. Its alright. Im here. Its me. Its Frank." 

My breathing slowed and when my eyes finally focused on the people in front of me I saw Frank, Mikey and my mother. I started sobbing and fell sideways, laying my head on the floor. 

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" I cried. 

Frank helped me up and laid me down on my bed. He covered me with my blanket and rubbed my back until I fell asleep again. 

It was another week before I went back to school. I had been cutting since i got out of the hospital. Now self harm wasnt enough. I needed something to take away the pain. 

I walked to school with Frank and Mikey. When they went to class I told them i was going to use the bathroom. The hesitated but let me go alone anyway. Instead of going to the bathroom I went outside and behind the school where the stoners hung out. They saw me and grinned.

"Hey, mind if I join you?" I asked.

"Yeah, man. Go ahead." One of the stoners laughed.

I sat down next to a very pale and thin guy. I vaguely recognized him. His name was Pete or something.

"So, what brings you here..." 

"Gerard. My names Gerard. And I was hoping you guys could help me out." I sighed. 

"Sure, man. We got whatever you might need." The guy next to me grinned. "I'm Pete. Nice to meet you Gerard." 

I shook his hand and his grin grew wider. 

"You ever done anything like this before?" Another guy asked as he heated something up in a pipe. 

"Nope." I laughed. 

They laughed with me and Pete pulled out a syringe and some brown powder. 

"You're gonna love this shit. Its like you're floating." Pete said. 

He put the powder on a spoon and took water from his water bottle and dropped it on the spoon. He took his lighter and held it under the spoon until everything was bubbling. When he got the stuff in the needle he set it on his lap and pulled out a belt. He tightened it on my arm and tapped the vains in my arm so he could see them better. 

I jerked away when he put the needle next to my arm. 

"What? You're not afraid of needles are you?" 

"I am, but fuck it." 

I looked away as I felt the sharp pain in my arm and I could feel a burning sensation in my vains. I immediately felt amazing and passed out on Pete's lap. 

I woke up to Pete shaking my shoulder. He handed me a bottle of vodka and said drink up. I took a sip and nearly gagged. The vodka burned my throat. I took another sip. This time it was better. 

Pete and his friends helped me up and had me walk with them to the park that was just down the street from my house. It was getting dark and a part of me knew I should be getting home but the rest of me didnt care. 

We took turns drinking out of the vodka bottle. When I finished the last of it, everyone decided to go home. That's when I noticed Frank walking towards me. As he got closer I could tell he looked angry and Pete and his friends stood with me as Frank stopped in front of me. 

"Frank!" I giggled. "What are you doing here? You should be home doing homework! You're gonna be in a lot of trouble young man."

I did my best to mock an angry father voice but Frank was not amused. The guys behind me laughed and fell to the ground. 

"Your mom's looking for you, Gee. You were supposed to be home right after school." 

"Ah shit guys!" I slurred, "looks like I'm in trouuuubbbbblllleee!" 

Everyone laughed again. 

Frank grabbed my arm and started pulling me away from the other guys. 

"Come on, Gee. Lets get you home and you can sober up there in your bed. Okay?" 

"No! I'm not going home, Frank. I'm having fun! For the first time in my life I'm actually happy. You dont get it." 

Frank sighed and pulled out his phone. 

"What are you doing?" 

"I care about you, Gerard. And I dont want you to keep going with this. You ditched class to get drunk. Thats not okay. I'm calling your mom and I'm having her pick you up." 

I could hear the phone ringing and I tried to walk away but I tripped and fell. I rolled over on my back and giggled hysterically. 

"Hey, Donna. I found him. He's at the park. You better come quick. He's pretty messed up." 

Before I knew it my mothers grey van pulled up. She got out of the car and stood over me. I looked around and noticed that Pete and the other guys were gone. 

"Come on, Gerard." My mother said. "Lets go home." 

I stood up and threw up. I heard my mother mutter under her breath about alcohol and teenagers. She helped me into the car and drove Frank home. 

She helped me to my bed and I passed out almost immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys. Gerard is going through a lot in the next several chapters. Thank you all for the kudos.


	5. Champaigne, Cocaine, Gasoline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning-drug use.**  
**Trigger Warning-Rape.**

I woke up with a pounding headache. I could hear someone moving around my room. I looked up to see Frank going through my drawers. He was just about to open the top drawer when I sat up, making myself dizzy. 

"Frank! Stop!" I snapped.

Frank turned around quickly and looked at me. His eyes went from surprised to cold. 

"You're finally awake. Do you remember what happened last night?" 

I shook my head and looked away. 

"I'm sorry Frankie. I know I messed up. Okay? I dont know what I did last night. But I know I did things that I shouldn't have done. Please forgive me." I begged. 

His eyes softened and he sat down on the edge of my bed. He grabbed my hand and rubbed it with his thumb. 

"Gee, I know you've been through a lot. And I cant even begin to imagine how you must be feeling. But alcohol isnt the answer. Okay? You're strong and handsome and so brave. And I know we haven't known each other long. Just a month or so. But I love you. Okay? I do. And I don't want to lose you because you think life would be better with alcohol." 

I launched forward and pulled Frank into a kiss. I felt butterflies in my stomach. He leaned back and I layed on top of him, making sure I didn't crush him. We kissed until we were out of breath and Frank smiled at me. I smiled back and gave him one more peck on the lips before I got off of him and layed next to him. 

We both had a stupid grin on our faces. 

"Frank?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I love you too. And I'd like you to be my boyfriend." 

Frank sat up and kissed me. When he pulled away he smiled and said yes. We cuddled and fell asleep. 

When I woke up Frank was no where to be found. It was a Saturday and I was itching for whatever Pete had given me the day before. I needed to find out where they all hung out on the weekends. 

I got dressed and slipped my shoes on. I went to the outside entrance of the basement and took the chain off. I pushed it open and snuck out of the house. No one had seen me. 

I was walking down the street heading toward the school When I heard Pete call my name from the alley. I looked down the alley and saw Pete and everyone else standing in a huddle. I walked toward them and Pete put his arm around my shoulder. 

"We got something new for you GWay." Pete grinned. 

"What is it?" I asked. 

"Cocaine. Ever tried it?" Another guy asked.

"No. Just whatever you gave me yesterday which I was wanting more of." I rubbed the back of my neck. 

"Here, snort this." 

Pete handed me a rolled up dollar and a white powder. I snorted the line and grinned. I felt happy. Happier than I had ever felt in a long time. Pete handed me a bottle of whiskey and I took a sip. I ignored the burn on my throat and got drunk with them. 

I walked to a house that looked a bit run down. Pete grabbed my hand and pulled me inside. Everyone in the house was high or drunk and for some reason I didnt care. I tripped over someone and giggled until my stomach hurt. 

Pete pulled out a Matress from one of the rooms and had me lay down on it. I started falling asleep. I could feel someone's hands going into my pants but I was too out of it to care. Pete grabbed my face and started kissing me hard. I just layed there. Too far gone to move. I could feel him thrusting over my jeans. He moaned and I let out a whimper. I felt him thrust one more time really hard and he gasped and kissed me one more time before falling to the side and we both fell asleep. 

When I woke up it was dark and everyone was either asleep or injecting something into their arms. I looked around and realized where I was. I was in a drug den. I tried to get up but I felt someone grab my arm. 

"Lay down GWay. We're gonna be here a while. Dont worry." Pete hummed. 

I layed back down and Pete took off his belt and tied it around my arm. He tapped my gains and stuck a needle in my arm. I flinched and he laughed. 

"You said you wanted more. You'll be out in no time."

I fell back and fell into complete bliss. I could barely feel Pete removing my pants and thrusting on me once again. Part of me knew this was wrong and that i needed to get him to stop. But the other part of me knew that even if I tried to stop him, I wouldnt be able to. I was weak right now. And he could easily over power me if he wanted to. 

I woke up again but this time with someone's dick in my mouth. I looked up to see Pete thrusting into my mouth and he had a look of lust and power in his eyes. I tried to move away but he grabbed the back of my head and held it in place. 

"If you want your drugs, you need to let me do whatever I want to you. If you don't, I stop supplying you. Got it?" He said as he thrust harder into my mouth causing me to choke. "Good." 

He thrust harder and moaned loudly before I felt something warm shoot into the back of my throat. I tried to spit it out but Pete forced me to swallow it. 

I rolled over and cried as Pete injected more drugs into my vains. I passed out almost immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about it being innapropriate at the end. Its based off of an experience I had and it helps to write about it. Thank you for the kudos. And hopefully you'll be able to keep reading. I promise things will get better for Gerard. Just not right now.


	6. Broken and Defeated

Over the next month I met Pete and his group at the drug den. Pete kept me fully supplied on heroine and cocaine. I would sneak out of my house in the morning and go get high with the guys. I hadnt gone to school since I got back from the hospital. 

I was sneaking back into my room around midnight when i noticed my bedroom light was on. I was carrying a bottle of Vodka in one hand and balancing with the other. I looked around slowly and didn't see anyone. 

Once I shut the basement doors and stumbled to my bed i heard my bedroom door open. I rolled over hiding my bottle under my pillow and pretended to sleep. I could hear someone walk up to the side of my bed and I heard them sigh. 

"Gerard." They shook me. "Gerard, you need to wake up. Mom and Frank want you to come upstairs." 

I turned and saw Mikey looking down at me with sadness in his eyes. 

"Not now, Mikey. 'm tired." I slurred. 

"Gee, come on. Just for a little bit and then you can come back down here and sleep. Okay?" 

I groaned and threw the blanket off of me. I grabbed the vodka and took a big gulp from it and hid it back under my bed. Mikey held out his hand and I grabbed it. He helped me up the stairs.

Once I got to the living room I noticed the kitchen chairs were in the center of the room. One chair was facing the other three and I immediately knew what was happening. 

"Gerard," my mother said. "Come take a seat. We need to talk." 

I stumbled to the seat and sat down crossing my arms. Frank came in from the kitchen and took a seat in front of me. Mikey sat next to my mom. 

"Gerard," my mother started. "You are my son. And I want you to know that I will always love you. No matter what. But I'm very worried about you. You haven't been to school in over a month. You're gone all day. I never see you anymore. And when you are home, you smell like alcohol. You need help honey. And I'm willing to provide that for you. But you have to want it too." 

She sniffed and wiped away a tear. 

Mikey pulled out a piece of paper and started reading from it. 

"Gee, I know you had some messed up things happen to you. Pretty recently too. And I know that you need support. And I am going to support you. Getting drunk is not the answer. I know without it life seems unbearable. But things will get better. Just please let us help you. I love you." 

"How would you know if things will get better?" I snapped. "Were you shoved up against a wall while some psychopath had his way with you? Are you trading sex for drugs? No? Then you have no idea how bad things are. So no. I dont want help. And I dont need help. I'm perfectly fine the way I am. Thank you very much." 

I went to stand up but Frank stood in front of me and sat me back down. 

"You will sit here, and listen to what we have to say. I know the only reason you're being a jerk right now is because you're drunk. But if you get anything from tonight, I really hope its that everyone in this room loves you and wants the best for you. And I hope that sinks in because you're pushing us all away. And it is not acceptable. You have so much to offer the world and you're wasting it on alcohol. You will lose everyone in this room. You will lose me, if you dont get it together. Do you understand that?" 

"You know, if I knew I was going to be lectured for being happy, i would have stayed at that house. I'm gonna lose you? Huh? Well guess what? Ive already lost you. And now, you're going to lose me. Goodnight." I got up and walked to my room. 

"Gerard, honey, what drugs are you using?" My mother asked. But I ignored her.

Frank followed me and as soon as I heard the door shut I grabbed him and shoved him up against the wall. He looked scared. 

"What's wrong, Frank? Am I scaring you?" I leaned in and kissed him. He grabbed me and kissed me back. 

I pulled away to catch my breath and he pulled me back in for another kiss. When it was over he made me look him in the eye. 

"I dont care what you do, or where you go. I will always love you. I want you to know that I'm here if you ever decide to come back to me. But I need you to come back to me, Gerard. Before its too late. I need you to come home." A tear slid down his cheek and I wiped it away. 

"I love you, Frank. But I cant be what you want me to be. I'm sorry. But I'm broken. And you cant fix that." 

I let him go and went to bed. Immediately falling asleep afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its a really short chapter. But Gerard needed an intervention so i wanted to write one in. Hope you guys enjoy!


	7. Never Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is super short. Ive been so busy working and I had severe writers block so sorry for the late update. I'm going to try to write a lot more.

I woke up with an enormous hangover. I sat up and cringed at the small amount of light coming in from the basement window. 

I looked around and called out to Frank but there was no answer. I was alone once again. 

My phone started buzzing and I looked to see that Pete was calling me. I gulped and slowly answered the phone. 

"Hello?" I whispered.

"Hey, Baby! Listen, I have some stuff for you if you want to come by in about an hour. Or not its your choice. But if you choose not to come consider yourself cut off. Okay? Love you!" 

He hung up and I started sobbing. The last thing I wanted to do was go see Pete. But I could already feel the withdrawals kicking in and I knew I had no choice. 

I got dressed and grabbed a bag. I decided to use the front door for the first time in a while. As I was walking toward the door I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to face my mother and sighed. 

"Gerard? Where are you going?" She asked.

"I'm going out mom. I'll be back before you know it." 

"Gerard stay here. Please."

"Mom, you need to let me leave!" I snapped. 

She quickly got out of my way and a tear fell down her cheek. I wiped it away and told her I loved her.

"I'll be back soon, mom. Okay? I love you." 

I walked out the door and walked all the way to Pete's house.

After what seemed like several hours finally passed. It was dark outside and I knew I had to get home. I started walking in a random direction too doped up to know where I was going.


	8. Never Coming Home. Could I? Should I?

As i walked down the street it started to snow. I shivered and crossed my arms. I sighed looking around. I had no idea where I was. I continued walking to see if I recognised any of the houses. I had never been in this neighborhood before. 

"Fuck." I whispered to myself. 

I sighed and continued walking for a while. It was so cold I could barely feel my feet. I pulled out my phone and called Pete. I knew he wouldn't be angry with me. I couldn't call Frank or my mother. They would hate me if they found me like this. 

Pete showed up within half an hour and I couldnt feel my legs. He jumped out of the car and ran to me. 

"Jesus, Gerard, how long have you been walking?" 

I shrugged. He helped me into his car and I passed out in the back seat. 

***Frank's POV***

I woke up to my phone going off. I looked at my alarm clock, it was five in the morning. 

"Hello?" I sighed into my phone. 

"Frank? Its Mikey." 

"Gerard's brother?" 

"Yeah. Listen, is Gerard with you?" He asked. He sounded worried. 

"No?" 

"Have you heard from him? He never came home last night. My mom and I are looking for him. We havent seen him." 

"No. I haven't. I'm coming over. I'll help you look." I hung up and jumped out of bed. 

I threw on whatever clothes i could find and grabbed my jacket as I ran down the stairs. 

"Mom!" I called.

"Yeah?" 

"I need the car. Gerard is missing." 

She tossed me the keys and gave me a sad look. 

"I know you love him, honey. But some people cant be saved." She whispered. 

I ran out the door and got in my car. I sped down the street and when I arrived at Gerards house, my stomach dropped. Mikey and a thin lanky man were standing outside holding their phones and talking. Donna was sitting on the front porch talking on the phone and wiping tears from her eyes. 

I got out of the car and went straight to Donna. I wrapped an arm around her. 

"Frank!" She gasped. "Im so glad you're here. We cant find him. I'm so scared." 

"I'm sure he'll come home. When did he leave?" 

She wiped away more tears. "Yesterday morning. He yelled at me and walked somewhere. I havent seen or heard from him since. It Snowed last night. What if he was in the streets?" 

Donna sobbed and I rubbed circles in her back. Mikey noticed me and walked over to comfort his mom. Mikey introduced me to the other guy. I learned that his name was Tyler. 

I pulled out my phone and called Gerard. It went straight to voicemail. 

"Damn it, Gee." 

***Gerard POV***

I woke up and looked around. I was in Petes living room. I tried to check the time on my phone but it was dead. Pete walked into the room and smiled when he saw that i was awake. 

"You should head home, sweetheart. I dont think you should be here." He laughed. 

"I cant go home." 

"And why is that?" Pete tilted his head to the side.

"My family hates me, Pete. I've done enough damage. And Frank deserves better." I sniffed. "I cant ever go back home."

"So what are you going to do? You cant stay here and if you leave the state you're cut off forever. Do you understand that?" 

"I cant stay in New Jersey, Pete. I'm sorry." 

"Then get the fuck out of my house." 

I stood up and grabbed my phone. Pete shoved me out the door and slammed it.

I turned and walked away trying to figure out how I was going to get away from my life here. I knew i had to get clean. But I didnt know how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully things start looking up for Gerard. Please leave some comments and kudos. They really mean a lot. Until next weekend my Angels!


	9. So Far From You

***Frank's POV***

Mikey, Donna, Tyler and I searched everywhere for Gerard. It had been a month since the last time we saw him. I had called his phone every day but it always went straight to voicemail. The police gave up looking for him about a week ago. 

I had gotten permission to stay at the Way residence as long as I didnt miss too much school. But school was the last thing on my mind. The man I loved was missing and I refused to give up. 

Donna spent most days calling emergency rooms and after the second week she had started asking if they had any john does in the morgue matching Gerards description. Mikey and Tyler walked door to door every other day and updated everyone on social media. 

Mikey and I walked to school together. The sky was grey and I sighed. 

"He'll turn up, Frank. I know he will." Mikey said as he patted my shoulder. 

I nodded and we walked to our classrooms. Mr. Toro asked for updates every day. Gerard was one of his favorite students. As soon as I walked into Mr. Toro's class, he started bombarding me with questions. 

"I dont have any new answers, Mr. Toro. I'm starting to think he's never coming home." I sighed.

"I'm sure he'll come back. I havent given up hope yet and neither should you. Gerard is a good man. When he comes back he'll be his old self again." 

I faked a smile and sat at my desk. The day continued to pass slowly.

***Gerards POV***

I leaned up against the outside wall of a coffee shop. I had been trying to get a job and a place to stay for the last month. But in New York, that was almost impossible. I had an interview at said coffee shop in half an hour. I was thankful my mom still payed my phone bill. I missed Frank and Mikey. And I missed my mom. But it was best for me to be as far from them as possible. 

I stood there watching the people walking through the streets until it was time to go into my interview. When I opened the door, a bell rang alerting everyone inside. 

"Hi!" A girl called. "What can I get ya?" 

I smiled at her and explained that I was here for an interview. 

"Saweeet! We're dying for more employees. Let me get the boss!" She squealed. 

She came back a minute later with a woman who looked to be in her early thirties. The woman smiled at me and motioned for me to sit down. 

"Hello, I assume you are Gerard Way?" 

"Yes." I answered with a smile.

"Have you ever been employed before?" 

"No. To be completely honest with you, I came to New York for a fresh start. I left high school and I just want to get my life back on track." 

"I can respect that. Well, Gerard, congratulations. You're hired. We're desperate for new people." She smiled.

"Thank you so much! Is there a uniform or anything that I need?" I asked.

"Nope. Just an apron that I'll get for you. How soon can you start?" 

"Now?" I said. "If that's okay." 

"Alright. You'll be training with Lucy for a few weeks." The boss said. "Oh, and I'm Carol." 

I shook Carols hand and stepped behind the counter. I looked at Lucy and she quickly turned to me and grinned. I noticed her hair was purple and in pig tails. And her clothes were very punk looking. She had a black skirt with fish net leggings and a band t shirt. I knew we would be great friends. 

"So," she exclaimed after a minute. "Whats your story?" 

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You know, everyone has a story. No one just wakes up one day and decides they wanna live in New York." She laughed. "So, what? You on the run?" 

I smirked and shrugged. 

"I dont know where to start." 

"Yes! A real story. Start from the beginning." 

"Well, I had some shit happen to me in high school, I got into drugs and alcohol... And that's pretty much my story. I'm trying to get past that though." I shrugged again.

"Does your family know where you are?" Lucy whispered.

"No. And its better off that way. They dont need to know where I am." 

Lucy pulled me into a hug and I stiffened before hugging her back. 

"Oh, and just so you know, I'm a lesbian so no hitting on me." Lucy blurted out.

"No worries. I'm gay." I smiled. 

We got straight to work and I had more fun than I had ever had in my life. My world was getting a bit brighter. I couldn't help but wonder how Frank, Mikey and my mom were doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long delay. I've been super super busy but I'll update as soon as I can.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This ones I think a bit shorter than the other chapters but I had inspiration and had to write it before I forgot. Enjoy, my Angles.❤❤❤🌈

****Frank's POV****

Mikey and I walked in awkward silence to the Way house. Mikey kept trying to start up a conversation; I just stared at the ground as we walked. I noticed it had become unusually quiet about a block from the house. I looked up at Mikey to see why he had stopped talking.

All the color had drained from his face. For the very first time I could see exactly what he was feeling. He dropped a book he had been holding and ran the rest of the way to the house which had three officers standing at the front door talking to Donna. 

I grabbed Mikey's book and ran the rest of the way to the house. Mikey was cradling Donna and I could see the tears streaming from their eyes. The police gave me a sympathetic smile and walked back to their cars. 

"What's going on?" I demanded.

"Frank, its... Its Gerard." Mikey cried. 

"What? Did they find him? Is he coming back?" I asked, trying desperately to silence the small voice in the back of my head telling me what Donna and Mikey already knew. 

Donna gave me a sad look. 

"He's gone honey. They found a body, the elements got to it but they're sure its him. My baby is gone!" Donna wailed. 

Mikey held her as she sobbed. I felt like I couldn't breath. I wanted to scream at Gerard. Demand to know why he left me. Why he left his family. Everything was spinning and I couldn't face the truth for much longer. I took off running. I could hear Donna calling out to me but i ignored her.I couldn't face her again. 

I ran until my legs were about to give out on me. i needed a drink.

***Gerard POV***

"The body of a teenager believed to be local missing boy named Gerard Way, was found this morning by police. It is still unclear as to how the boy died. We have been told by the local authorities that the family has been notified." A news reporter on the screen announced. "So far there are no new leads on the ongoing investigation..." 

The screen went black and I whirled around to see Lucy with the tv remote. I began wiping down the tables in the coffee shop and replacing menus. 

"So, you're a ghost now. How 'bout that?" Lucy grinned. 

"Honestly, its better for my family to think I'm dead." I sighed. 

"What about Frank? Your mom has your brother, who does Frank have?" Lucy asked. 

"I told you about Frank so I had someone to talk to about him. Not so you could use him against me. Now, are you gonna help me with these tables or what?" 

Lucy giggled and got straight to work. It wasnt long before the lunch rush came and there was no time to think about my family and the boy I left behind.


	11. Coffee Plan

***Gerard POV***

It had been a year since I left my home. It was difficult finding a place when I was supposed to be dead but Lucy let me stay with her. I loved New York. I loved the early morning rush when everyone came to the shop for their coffees and I loved the tourists that were discovering the shop for the first time. 

I thought about my family daily. About Frank and how he probably moved on after I was pronounced dead. I missed them. But I couldn't ever see them again. I knew I had made the right choice when I put my old life behind me. And now I was on my way to work smiling because my life was finally good. 

I unlocked the door of the coffee shop and turned on the light for the open sign. It was only 8 so I had an hour to waste before customers started arriving. 

I was halfway through brewing a fresh pot of coffee when the coffee shop phone rang. 

"Hello, you've reached Mocha Loca, the best coffee shop in New York. This is Gerard, how can I help you?" I answered. 

I heard a sharp inhale of breath and then a weak familiar voice. 

"Gerard?" I heard them whisper. "Gerard Way?" 

I stayed silent as my heart raced in my chest. I knew this voice. 

"I'm sorry. Its early and you sounded just like my older brother for a second. His name was Gerard too." Mikey explained." 

"No worries, what can I do for you today, sir?" It took everything I had to keep my voice from shaking. 

"How many people can you put in one seating area? My family and I are going to New York. We're celebrating my older brothers birthday a bit early this year because everyone has other things to do. And I need to make sure that you can seat enough people." 

My heart pounded harder.

"How many people are you planning on having?" I asked. 

"At the most six or seven." Mikey answered. 

"We have enough space for you all. I bet your brother is excited that you're coming to New York." I said playing stupid.

"He would have been. He unfortunately passed away last year. But we want to remember him." 

"I'm sorry for your loss." 

"Its okay. Will you be serving us?" He sounded hopeful. 

"I won't but my fellow Barista Lucy will. Trust me you're in good hands. She's the best Barista in New York." 

Mikey laughed and we hung up. I immediately went to the calendar and requested time off. Mikey said they would arrive tomorrow around noon. I had to avoid the shop as much as possible.


	12. When both our cars collide

***Frank POV***

I packed my things in a small bag. Mikey said we would be going to New York for a day and a half so I didn't have to bring my suitcase. I sighed. Gerard would have loved New York. He could've gone to art school and become an amazing professional artist. I missed him. I stared at the liquor cabinet at the Way house. I hadn't had a sip in five months but the thought of going to New York made me want to chug down some whiskey. 

"You ready, Frank?" Mikey called from the kitchen.

"Yeah!" I replied and we all went to the car. 

Mikey sat in the front seat while Donna drove. Supposedly we were meeting Mr. Toro and his wife Christa in New York. Gerard's father was contacted and invited but everyone doubted he would actually come. 

I passed out in the back seat.

***Gerard POV***

"Gerard, you can't take this afternoon off. I have no one to cover your shift!" My boss whined. 

"Please? I can't be here this afternoon. I have to take my dog to the vet." I lied.

"Gerard, you don't have a dog. If you can't work in the front you can work in the kitchen. Alright? You just have to tell Lucy that she'll be left to face everyone alone." 

My boss walked into her office and shut the door. I slumped against the wall. I would have to work the front. I couldn't leave Lucy to face the public on her own. 

It was about a quarter to noon and the lunch rush had already begun. I was taking a young womans order when I heard the bell signaling arriving customers. I glanced up and my jaw dropped. Frank, Mikey and my mom walked in. Right behind them came Mr. Toro and a woman I had never seen before. 

"Honey, you okay?" The woman in front of me asked.

"Yeah, sorry. Your total will be 10.75."

The woman paid and went to her table. I quickly ran to Lucy and asked her to take my families order while I stayed in the back for a while. She rolled her eyes but agreed to do it. 

***Lucy POV***

I went to the register and watched Gerards brother as he looked at the menu. He looked overwhelmed by all of the choices. 

"Hiya! What can I get for ya?" I smiled at him.

"Oh, hi. Um, can we just get some regular coffees with some sugar?" 

"Sure thing! What size and how many?"

"Uh, five for now please." He replied. "And uh, make them large please." 

I put the order in and he paid. 

"I'll bring those right out to ya." I smiled.

He took a seat and I went back to talk to Gerard. It took me a minute to find him. But when I did I could tell he was panicking. 

"Hey, go home. I got this. Ya don't have to stress." I rubbed his shoulder. 

"Thank you, Lucy." He grinned and put his jacket on as he walked out of the kitchen. I sighed. 

***Frank POV***

I sat at the table with everyone as we waited for our coffees to come out. I had just happened to look up when a man in a black jacket and black skinny jeans walked out from behind the counter and started toward the door. His hair was down to his shoulders so I couldn't see his face but something about him seemed familiar. 

I excused myself from the table and ignored everyone's confused looks as I followed behind the guy. I followed him all the way to an apartment complex before I realized I was probably being creepy. I was just about to turn around and go back to the coffee shop when I overheard the start of a conversation. 

"Hey! Gerard! I thought you was working till five tonight?" A woman said as she walked up to the man I had been following.

"I was but they let me leave early. I wasn't feeling too good." The man replied.

His voice made my heart speed up and my stomach turn. He sounded like Gerard. Like my Gerard. And his name was Gerard. It was too much of a coincidence. I watched the man walk into the apartment complex and disappear around a corner. 

I made my way back to the coffee shop. When I went inside I could see everyone drinking their coffees and laughing. I went to Mikey and asked him to talk to me outside. When we got outside I turned to him and burst into tears.

"Frank? What's wrong?" Mikey asked. Concern evident in his voice. 

"You know the guy that left earlier?" I whispered. 

"The one in all black? Yeah. Why?" 

"Mikey, something about him seemed familiar. So I followed him and I heard some lady call him Gerard. And when he talked.... when he talked he sounded just like him, Mikey!" I continued sobbing.

"That must have been the guy i talked to on the phone. It messed with me too. But Gerard's gone, Frank."

"No. I think he's still alive. I think he lives here in New York. Mikey, it has to be him. It has to be our Gerard. My Gerard." I pleaded. 

Mikey gave me a sympathetic smile.

"We'll go back to wherever you went and we'll see if he's who you think he is. If its him, he has a lot of explaining to do. But I doubt its him, Frank. I know you miss him. We all do. But they found a body. They're almost certain its him. Okay?" 

I sighed and went into the coffee shop with Mikey. We finished our coffee and talked a bit more with everyone. We didn't leave the coffee shop until around four and I was impatient. 

We all got in our cars and I gave Donna directions to the apartment complex I followed Gerard to. When we arrived Mikey and I went into the front office and asked if anyone by the name Gerard lived in the complex. We ended up with three room numbers. 

The first two rooms were on the second floor. Both were elderly men with wives and grandchildren. We finally arrived on the fourth floor with the last room number and knocked on the door. 

"Just a minute!" I heard the same familiar voice yell. 

The door opened a moment later.

"Sorry, I was..." Gerard trailed off.

I couldn't believe it. I was face to face with the man I fell in love with. The man that was supposed to be dead. Gerards face went white as a ghost and he took a step back trying to balance himself. 

I pushed past him and Mikey followed me into the apartment. 

"Um, I guess I should start by saying, hello and it's good to see you." Gerard said as he shut the door and rung his hands together. 

I walked up and slapped him. He was real. It wasn't a figment of my imagination. 

"Explain yourself!" I snapped. 

Gerard rubbed his cheek and motioned for us to sit. 

Mikey refused and I could tell he was angry. 

"How did you find me?" Gerard asked.

"I followed you here." I snapped. "Then your mother drove us here and we ended up on your doorstep. Now explain yourself. Cause I'd really like to know where you've been for the last year."

"I've been here in New York. Working at the coffee shop. I'm sorry. I really am but it was best for you to think I was dead. I caused so much pain when I was around."

"You caused even more pain when you disappeared!" I yelled. "Mikey almost dropped out. I talked him into staying in school. Your mom almost lost her job. Ray almost lost Christa. Do you even care?! Did you even stop to think of how your decision would have effected us?! You left and we were in pain. We were stuck in Jersey grieving over someone that wasn't even dead. Do you have any idea how fucked up that was?! And you think saying I'm sorry is gonna cut it?" 

Gerard flinched everytime I yelled but I was too angry to stop. I could see the tears welling up in his eyes. 

"Did you ever stop to think about me?" I cried.

"Every single day." He whispered. "I'm so sorry."

I watched the tears fall from his eyes. I sat back and let my own tears fall rapidly. Mikey just stared at the ground. Gerard got his attention and Mikey walked over to him. I could see Gerard brace himself for a punch or a slap but instead Mikey wrapped his arms around him and let out a small laugh. 

"You asshole. How could you leave us like that?" Mikey sobbed.

"I'm sorry! I really am!"

They hugged for a while and then we sat down to talk. One problem still remained. Everyone in our lives had to find out that Gerard was still alive. And we had no idea how to tell them.


	13. And What's The Worst You Take

***Frank POV***

I walked out of the apartment to get fresh air. Gerard was alive. I was still in shock. 

I sat down and leaned against the outside wall of the apartment complex. I couldn't even look at a picture of Gerard or hear his name without crying or getting extremely depressed for weeks for the last year. And now I was sitting outside his apartment and I didn't feel any better. 

I heard the door open and didn't look up to see who it was. The smell of a lit cigarette wafted into my face. Gerard sat down next to me and took a long drag from his cigarette. 

"So, you said my mom's here?" He whispered.

I looked at him and saw that he had tears falling down his cheeks as he stared at the sky trying to hide his emotions. 

"Yeah." I whispered back. "Shes in the car. I can go get her if you want." 

"That would be nice. Thank you." 

I got up and walked to Donna's car. She was touching up her makeup and smiled when she saw me approaching the car. She rolled down the window and turned towards me to give me her full attention. 

"Hey, honey." 

"Hi, Donna. There's someone that would like to talk to you." I whispered. 

Her face fell.

"Okay. I'm coming."

She got out of the car and followed me. We slowly approached Gerards apartment and I could see the tears welling up in Donna's eyes as she slowly started to recognize the man standing in front of Mikey. 

Gerard looked up as we approached and Donna ran towards him. She engulfed him in a hug and sobbed into his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Gerard cried as he clung to his mother. 

"Its okay, honey. I missed you so much."

Mikey and I stood to the side with tears falling down our faces as we watched the emotional reunion between Gerard and his mother. 

***Gerard POV***

I hugged my mother close as she cried into my shoulder. I missed her hugs. When she finally ended the hug, I wiped my tears away and smiled at all of them. 

"You guys can stay the night if you want. I have extra blankets and pillows." I offered. 

"We would love to!" My mother exclaimed. 

We went inside and I pulled out the blankets and pillows from my linen closet. Once everyone was situated I went into the kitchen to make coffee. 

As I put the coffee grounds into the coffee pot I noticed Frank staring at me.

"You seem a lot healthier." He commented. 

"I am. I suppose." 

"Last time I saw you, you were on all kinds of drugs and drunk out of your mind. I find it strange that you magically got sober after you left Jersey. No drug dealers here?" Frank spat. 

I flinched. 

"Pete cut me off." I sighed. "And I knew that I was hurting you. I was hurting everyone. My life was falling apart and this was the closest place I could go." 

"So, you decided to go to New York because your drug dealer refused to give you more drugs?"

"No. Actually. He cut me off because I was going to New York." Tears started falling down my cheek. "Why are you acting like this? You seemed fine a minute ago."

Frank laughed and I pushed the coffee machine back and faced him. 

"You have no idea what you put me through. I loved you! I, loved you, Gerard! Did that mean anything to you? Huh? Clearly it didn't. I was the one that helped you get through your nightmares. I held your hair back when you were puking your guts out after a night of drinking and partying. I was there for you through the hard times. And you left. You disappeared. Then the police found a body and they were so sure it was you!" Frank cried as his voice got louder attracting the attention of everyone in the living room. "And I fell apart. Because I knew that the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, my soul mate, was dead! Then we come here to celebrate your birthday. And you try to sneak out of the coffee shop you work at. You expect me to be okay with all of that? Really? How could I be okay with you being gone?!"

"Frank, I...." 

"No! I wish you had really died!" He cut me off. 

I took a step back and stared at Frank in shock. 

"You dont mean that." I cried.

"I do. Everyone else might be happy to have you back. But I feel even worse. It didn't hurt this bad when I thought you were dead." 

He walked out and sat on the couch alone. I sighed and walked to my front door. 

"Um, I'll be back in a little bit." I sniffed. "Make yourselves comfortable."

I walked out of my apartment and down the street. I had no idea where I was going. But I knew I couldn't be in my own home for a while.


	14. Down and Out is Where You Oughta Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that the chapter is so short. Not a lot of inspiration lately but I'm working on it.

***Gerard's POV***

I seemed to have walked for hours. It was dark outside and when I finally stopped walking I found myself standing in front of a bar on the other side of town. I wasnt sure if I had my fake ID on me since I wasnt twenty one yet. I didn't even know why I had a fake ID. Maybe I knew I was going to be found by them some day and at least one of them would be angry. Maybe I just needed a drink that day but decided against it. I wasnt sure. But I knew I needed one now. 

I pushed open the door to the bar and sighed. The bar was basically empty except for the three men sitting in different parts of the bar and a bar tender patiently waiting for business to pick up. I moved to the bar and sat down on a stool. The bartender stood up straight and smiled at me. I noticed he was kind of attractive. 

"Hey there, handsome. What can I get for you?" He winked.

There was a smirk on his face and I smiled back.

"Whiskey please." I sighed. 

"Like a shot, or a bottle?" The bartender laughed.

"Just a shot for now. Please." 

He nodded and poured some whiskey in a shot glass. I picked it up and stared at it for a while. Did I really want this? It took me so long to fix my life. Am I really prepared to throw it all away for a shot of whiskey? 

I took a deep breath and drank the whiskey. I set the shot glass down and the bartender handed me the bottle. I looked up at him, confused.

"On the house. You look like you need a drink. I get off in ten minutes. You wanna get out of here?" He grinned. 

I took a swig from the bottle and gasped. I really did miss the burning sensation. 

"Sure, why not?" I chuckled. "I'm Gerard."

"I'm Dylan. Nice to meet you, Gerard."

I waited for him to get done with his shift and followed him outside. I took the whiskey with me. We went into the alley and he shoved me up against the wall. Immediately his lips were crashing into mine and we were both left breathless. 

"Should we go to your place?" I asked.

"Nah, my wife would be pissed if I brought you home."

I pushed him back and started walking away. 

"Hey, what's wrong?!" Dylan yelled.

I didn't answer and walked home taking a sip of the whiskey every few minutes. I could feel myself losing control. I was having a hard time walking and I fell over a few times. But I couldn't feel the pain inside of me that Frank helped create and that was the whole point of getting wasted. 

I finally made it to my apartment around midnight and slowly pushed the door open. I walked in and shut the door as quietly as possible. Once I knew no one had woken up I walked straight into my room and turned on the light. 

I jumped when I saw Frank sitting on my bed staring at me with his mouth hanging open. 

"Gerard, what the hell?!" He snapped. 

"Dont lecture me, Frankie. Not right now, please. I think I've been hurt enough for the time being." 

"Gerard, where have you been?" He looked from my face to the whiskey bottle in my hand. 

"I went to the bar. Almost had a one night stand, but the dude had a wife so I came home. And guess what? I dont feel my heart breaking anymore. Now I remember why I started drinking in the first place."

***Frank POV***

I stared at Gerard as he took a sip from the whiskey bottle. I didn't mean for him to do this. 

"You didn't have to get drunk, Gerard. You should've stayed home with...."

He cut me off by laughing manically. 

"With who? You? You, Frankie?" He laughed as he walked closer to me and stopped right in front of me. "You wouldn't want someone like me staying with you. Like you said earlier, you wish I was dead."

As Gerard kept talking, he moved closer. Finally he straddled my hips and push me down on the bed. He held me by the wrists and had me pinned down on the bed. I began to panic.

"What's wrong? You scared, Frankie? Are you scared?"

I nodded.

"Dont worry. I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm not the jock from high school. I'm not Pete. I'm just a junkie and an alcoholic. A low life piece of shit. And you, you're perfect. You're beautiful. And I never stopped loving you, Frankie. Never. And you have to believe that what I did was my only option. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't look at the pain in your eyes. I couldn't bear the thought of you being miserable because of me."

Gerard slowly got off of me and landed on his back on the bed. 

"I'm nothing without you, Frank. But you deserve so much better than me." Gerard sighed as he passed out. 

I sat up and took a deep breath. I honestly thought he was gonna hurt me. I took the bottle away and went to the kitchen to dump the whiskey down the drain. Once I did, I checked the fridge to make a snack. But there was no food in the fridge. Just water. I opened the pantry and there was only a box of saltines that hadn't been opened. 

I shrugged it off and went to the living room. I sprawled out on the couch and went to sleep. I would have to get more food tomorrow.


	15. Down and Out is Where You Oughta Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that the chapter is so short. Not a lot of inspiration lately but I'm working on it.

***Gerard's POV***

I seemed to have walked for hours. It was dark outside and when I finally stopped walking I found myself standing in front of a bar on the other side of town. I wasnt sure if I had my fake ID on me since I wasnt twenty one yet. I didn't even know why I had a fake ID. Maybe I knew I was going to be found by them some day and at least one of them would be angry. Maybe I just needed a drink that day but decided against it. I wasnt sure. But I knew I needed one now. 

I pushed open the door to the bar and sighed. The bar was basically empty except for the three men sitting in different parts of the bar and a bar tender patiently waiting for business to pick up. I moved to the bar and sat down on a stool. The bartender stood up straight and smiled at me. I noticed he was kind of attractive. 

"Hey there, handsome. What can I get for you?" He winked.

There was a smirk on his face and I smiled back.

"Whiskey please." I sighed. 

"Like a shot, or a bottle?" The bartender laughed.

"Just a shot for now. Please." 

He nodded and poured some whiskey in a shot glass. I picked it up and stared at it for a while. Did I really want this? It took me so long to fix my life. Am I really prepared to throw it all away for a shot of whiskey? 

I took a deep breath and drank the whiskey. I set the shot glass down and the bartender handed me the bottle. I looked up at him, confused.

"On the house. You look like you need a drink. I get off in ten minutes. You wanna get out of here?" He grinned. 

I took a swig from the bottle and gasped. I really did miss the burning sensation. 

"Sure, why not?" I chuckled. "I'm Gerard."

"I'm Dylan. Nice to meet you, Gerard."

I waited for him to get done with his shift and followed him outside. I took the whiskey with me. We went into the alley and he shoved me up against the wall. Immediately his lips were crashing into mine and we were both left breathless. 

"Should we go to your place?" I asked.

"Nah, my wife would be pissed if I brought you home."

I pushed him back and started walking away. 

"Hey, what's wrong?!" Dylan yelled.

I didn't answer and walked home taking a sip of the whiskey every few minutes. I could feel myself losing control. I was having a hard time walking and I fell over a few times. But I couldn't feel the pain inside of me that Frank helped create and that was the whole point of getting wasted. 

I finally made it to my apartment around midnight and slowly pushed the door open. I walked in and shut the door as quietly as possible. Once I knew no one had woken up I walked straight into my room and turned on the light. 

I jumped when I saw Frank sitting on my bed staring at me with his mouth hanging open. 

"Gerard, what the hell?!" He snapped. 

"Dont lecture me, Frankie. Not right now, please. I think I've been hurt enough for the time being." 

"Gerard, where have you been?" He looked from my face to the whiskey bottle in my hand. 

"I went to the bar. Almost had a one night stand, but the dude had a wife so I came home. And guess what? I dont feel my heart breaking anymore. Now I remember why I started drinking in the first place."

***Frank POV***

I stared at Gerard as he took a sip from the whiskey bottle. I didn't mean for him to do this. 

"You didn't have to get drunk, Gerard. You should've stayed home with...."

He cut me off by laughing manically. 

"With who? You? You, Frankie?" He laughed as he walked closer to me and stopped right in front of me. "You wouldn't want someone like me staying with you. Like you said earlier, you wish I was dead."

As Gerard kept talking, he moved closer. Finally he straddled my hips and push me down on the bed. He held me by the wrists and had me pinned down on the bed. I began to panic.

"What's wrong? You scared, Frankie? Are you scared?"

I nodded.

"Dont worry. I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm not the jock from high school. I'm not Pete. I'm just a junkie and an alcoholic. A low life piece of shit. And you, you're perfect. You're beautiful. And I never stopped loving you, Frankie. Never. And you have to believe that what I did was my only option. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't look at the pain in your eyes. I couldn't bear the thought of you being miserable because of me."

Gerard slowly got off of me and landed on his back on the bed. 

"I'm nothing without you, Frank. But you deserve so much better than me." Gerard sighed as he passed out. 

I sat up and took a deep breath. I honestly thought he was gonna hurt me. I took the bottle away and went to the kitchen to dump the whiskey down the drain. Once I did, I checked the fridge to make a snack. But there was no food in the fridge. Just water. I opened the pantry and there was only a box of saltines that hadn't been opened. 

I shrugged it off and went to the living room. I sprawled out on the couch and went to sleep. I would have to get more food tomorrow.


	16. Down and Out is Where You Oughta Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that the chapter is so short. Not a lot of inspiration lately but I'm working on it.

***Gerard's POV***

I seemed to have walked for hours. It was dark outside and when I finally stopped walking I found myself standing in front of a bar on the other side of town. I wasnt sure if I had my fake ID on me since I wasnt twenty one yet. I didn't even know why I had a fake ID. Maybe I knew I was going to be found by them some day and at least one of them would be angry. Maybe I just needed a drink that day but decided against it. I wasnt sure. But I knew I needed one now. 

I pushed open the door to the bar and sighed. The bar was basically empty except for the three men sitting in different parts of the bar and a bar tender patiently waiting for business to pick up. I moved to the bar and sat down on a stool. The bartender stood up straight and smiled at me. I noticed he was kind of attractive. 

"Hey there, handsome. What can I get for you?" He winked.

There was a smirk on his face and I smiled back.

"Whiskey please." I sighed. 

"Like a shot, or a bottle?" The bartender laughed.

"Just a shot for now. Please." 

He nodded and poured some whiskey in a shot glass. I picked it up and stared at it for a while. Did I really want this? It took me so long to fix my life. Am I really prepared to throw it all away for a shot of whiskey? 

I took a deep breath and drank the whiskey. I set the shot glass down and the bartender handed me the bottle. I looked up at him, confused.

"On the house. You look like you need a drink. I get off in ten minutes. You wanna get out of here?" He grinned. 

I took a swig from the bottle and gasped. I really did miss the burning sensation. 

"Sure, why not?" I chuckled. "I'm Gerard."

"I'm Dylan. Nice to meet you, Gerard."

I waited for him to get done with his shift and followed him outside. I took the whiskey with me. We went into the alley and he shoved me up against the wall. Immediately his lips were crashing into mine and we were both left breathless. 

"Should we go to your place?" I asked.

"Nah, my wife would be pissed if I brought you home."

I pushed him back and started walking away. 

"Hey, what's wrong?!" Dylan yelled.

I didn't answer and walked home taking a sip of the whiskey every few minutes. I could feel myself losing control. I was having a hard time walking and I fell over a few times. But I couldn't feel the pain inside of me that Frank helped create and that was the whole point of getting wasted. 

I finally made it to my apartment around midnight and slowly pushed the door open. I walked in and shut the door as quietly as possible. Once I knew no one had woken up I walked straight into my room and turned on the light. 

I jumped when I saw Frank sitting on my bed staring at me with his mouth hanging open. 

"Gerard, what the hell?!" He snapped. 

"Dont lecture me, Frankie. Not right now, please. I think I've been hurt enough for the time being." 

"Gerard, where have you been?" He looked from my face to the whiskey bottle in my hand. 

"I went to the bar. Almost had a one night stand, but the dude had a wife so I came home. And guess what? I dont feel my heart breaking anymore. Now I remember why I started drinking in the first place."

***Frank POV***

I stared at Gerard as he took a sip from the whiskey bottle. I didn't mean for him to do this. 

"You didn't have to get drunk, Gerard. You should've stayed home with...."

He cut me off by laughing manically. 

"With who? You? You, Frankie?" He laughed as he walked closer to me and stopped right in front of me. "You wouldn't want someone like me staying with you. Like you said earlier, you wish I was dead."

As Gerard kept talking, he moved closer. Finally he straddled my hips and push me down on the bed. He held me by the wrists and had me pinned down on the bed. I began to panic.

"What's wrong? You scared, Frankie? Are you scared?"

I nodded.

"Dont worry. I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm not the jock from high school. I'm not Pete. I'm just a junkie and an alcoholic. A low life piece of shit. And you, you're perfect. You're beautiful. And I never stopped loving you, Frankie. Never. And you have to believe that what I did was my only option. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't look at the pain in your eyes. I couldn't bear the thought of you being miserable because of me."

Gerard slowly got off of me and landed on his back on the bed. 

"I'm nothing without you, Frank. But you deserve so much better than me." Gerard sighed as he passed out. 

I sat up and took a deep breath. I honestly thought he was gonna hurt me. I took the bottle away and went to the kitchen to dump the whiskey down the drain. Once I did, I checked the fridge to make a snack. But there was no food in the fridge. Just water. I opened the pantry and there was only a box of saltines that hadn't been opened. 

I shrugged it off and went to the living room. I sprawled out on the couch and went to sleep. I would have to get more food tomorrow.


	17. The Drugs Never Work

***Frank POV***

I woke up to the sound of someone knocking on the front door. It took me a moment to remember where I was and what happened the night before. 

I stood up and went to answer the door. I was just about to turn the knob when Gerard pulled me away from the door and told me to go take a seat. I could see that his eyes were still bloodshot from drinking the night before. I sighed and took a seat on the couch. I could hear him mumbling to the person at the door.

I watched him pull out his wallet and give money someone and when he brought his hand back he instantly shoved it into the pocket of his hoodie. 

"Thanks!" Gerard said as he shut the door.

"Who was that?" I asked him.

"Nobody. Get some more sleep Frank. No one else is up yet." He sighed and walked back to his bedroom. 

I sat there for a few minutes before I decided to talk to Gerard about last night. As I pushed open the door I could see him lean back on his bed. 

"Gerard," I whispered, "we need to talk."

He sighed again and sat up. 

"Yeah, I guess we do. Come in, I guess." 

I walked in and sat down on the bed next to him. He seemed like he wanted to cry. I looked around the room and noticed a line of white powder on his night stand. 

"So, that's who that guy was? A drug dealer?"

"I thought it would help me deal with the pain I'm feeling. But I haven't been able to do anything with it. I've been staring at it for a few minutes. I know I shouldn't be using anymore. But after last night that's all I can think about. I dont want to hurt anymore, Frank."

I grabbed him and pulled him closer to me. I held him in my arms as he broke down in tears. And that's when I noticed it. The dark circles around his eyes. How thin his body felt against mine. He was never this thin. 

"Gee?" 

"Yeah?"

"When was the last time you ate?" I asked. "All you have here is an unopened box of crackers and you're so skinny."

A tear fell down his cheek and I knew it had been a while.

"I'm not sure. A week maybe?" 

I held him as close as possible and he started sobbing. He sat up and pulled out a rolled up dollar. I looked at him in shock.

"You guys need to get out of here. I dont want my mom to see me like this. I dont want Mikey to either. You've already seen too much." He sat on his knees in front of the nightstand. 

"Gee, please dont do this. You dont have to. It's not too late. You can throw the drugs out and start over fresh. Please, dont do this." 

Gerard stood up and pushed me out of the room. He slammed the door in my face and locked it. I started sobbing as I slammed my fists against the door and begged him to let me in. 

Mikey was at my side in no time asking me what was going on. 

"Its Gerard, he got drugs from some guy this morning. And last night he got drunk. Mikey please, hes going to ruin his life again." I begged. 

***Gerard POV***

I could hear Mikey and Frank asking me to open the door. I told them to go away but they ignored me. 

It had been a long time since I used cocaine. I was ready for the tingling sensation I knew was going to come.

I placed the rolled up dollar in my nose and snorted a long line of cocaine. I layed back and smiled up at my bedroom ceiling. I missed this. All of my worries seemed to fall away and I was so happy to finally relax. Everything went black.


	18. Did you get what you deserve?

***Frank POV***

We broke the door down and found Gerard lying on his back with his eyes wide open. Mikey called an ambulance as I tried to find a pulse in Gerard's wrist. I found it but it was very weak. When Mikey got off the phone, he ran over to me and asked me if he was still alive. I couldnt move or talk. I just sat there crying and Gee in my arms. 

"Mikey, this is all my fault. I'm so sorry." I wailed. 

Suddenly there were several other people in the bedroom. Including Ray and Alicia. Alicia stood in the doorway with her right hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes. I couldnt believe this. Gee was sober and then he wasnt. And it was all my fault. He got drunk because of me and that led to cocaine and who knows what else. 

We heard the sirens out in the distance and Mikey ran out to flag them down. When they finally got to the apartment, they tried to get me off of Gerard but I wouldnt move.

"Sir, we need to take him to the hospital or he could die."

I nodded and they took Gerard and layed him on the gurney. They started wheeling him out of the room and I quickly ran outside to follow them. One of the paramedics stopped me. 

"What is your relation to the patient?" He asked. 

"I'm.... I..." I stuttered.

"He's his boyfriend." Mikey spoke up for me. "I'm his brother and I would like for both of us to ride in the ambulance with him. Please."

"Sorry, sir. We can only allow one person to ride with the patient and we prefer that patient to be biologically related or married to the patient. You can go but the short guy has to stay."

"Go ahead, Mikey. I'll be fine. I'll ride with your mom or Ray." I smiled sadly. 

"Are you sure?' Mikey asked concerned. 

"Yeah." I nodded. 

Mikey nodded to me and got in the back of the ambulance and they drove off with their lights and sirens wailing. Everyone else got dressed and climbed into Ray's car. Alicia, Rays wife, sat beside me and held my hand, occasionally rubbing it in small circles in an effort to comfort me. Ray wiped away tears for the student he lost once. He didnt want to lose him again. We had already gone through this before. We had his funeral and we greived for months because of this. We couldnt go through that again. We barely survived the first time. 

***Gerard POV***

I could hear sirens and men talking to each other. I tried to move but my body was too weak. There was something over my face and I tried to lift my hand to move it but I felt someone grab my hand and force it down. 

"Gee? You have to lay still okay? We're going to the hospital. Everyone will meet us there.' 

I tried to look at the person talking to me but everything was blurry and I couldnt make anything out. But I knew who that voice belonged to. It was Mikey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the chapter is so short and I havent updated in a while. I got dumped a couple days ago and I've been dealing with personal issues for about a month or so. Hope this chapter helps. Also, please leave kudos and comments. I'd love to hear from all of my readers.

**Author's Note:**

> short chapter to start the story. Hope you all like it. Its my first fanfic. So please be nice.


End file.
